Yoga In My Backyard

In my backyard, I do not have a vegetable garden, but I am blessed with a lot of friends who do. So at this time of year, I am usually the recipient of a variety of garden goodies, from tomatoes to herbs to giant zucchinis! While the produce at the store might look shiny and fresh and colourful, there is nothing that tastes more “real” than the gift of something hand-grown with love from a friend.

I like to think that home-grown fruits and veggies are infused with positive energy; that someone took time, patience and care to nurture and support their growth. Sure, some plants are higher maintenance than others and require that extra bit of “tending” while others seem to grow better if you leave them alone. Some don’t survive no matter how much we want them to, while others seem to grow out of control and take over the garden (i.e. giant zucchinis!). Some just wither away when we forget or neglect them, while others we must physically yank out and discard when growth is just not happening…Doesn’t this sound like a metaphor for relationships? Can we take the same approach when nurturing our friendships and family interactions? The ones that blossom beautifully are the ones we take time with – we pay attention, we invest positive energy, and we support growth rather than stifle it. And when it is clear that weeds of negativity, misunderstanding, judgement, and impatience are growing fast, we take appropriate action before they become so overgrown that nothing can be saved.

I have a note card that says “Happiness must be grown in one’s own garden” and I truly believe that if my backyard is filled with love, then whatever grows there will reflect that, whether it is a tree or a person. Today as I’m weeding and poking around in my backyard, I might just contemplate a few things and see if I can become a better gardener…both in my own garden and in my life…

While I have been trying to live in the moment and focus on what is happening NOW, it’s been hard to NOT think about what’s coming up in the next few months. I’ve been struggling with a wandering mind during my meditation practice; a mind that is planning and thinking and imagining. This is not uncommon at this time of year with only a few weeks of summer left and a busy fall season approaching. But this year, for me it’s different…

I have an amazing journey coming up – one that will not only lead me to the other side of the world, but one that will lead me to experience my mind/body/spirit like never before. As I prepare for almost 2 months of study in the foothills of the Himalayas of India, my emotions and thoughts are all over the place. Sometimes excited, sometimes apprehensive, sometimes downright scared. Other times I feel so deeply that I’m on the right path that I smile and giggle, knowing that the universe has paved the way for me to make this journey of self-discovery.

I’ve been teaching yoga for over a decade but, like all of us on this path, I am still very much a student. Each time I re-read the Yoga Sutras I learn something new, and lately my reading has made me think of all those things that I “should” be doing as a teacher. Should be meditating more, should be practicing more, should be eating better, should be kinder – should, should, should…How easily we can beat ourselves up for not living up to some ideal or standard, whether it be in our yoga practice, our job, our relationships, our physical appearance, whatever. But the wisdom of the Sutras reminded me that no effort is wasted in spiritual practice. And the wisdom of another teacher reminded me that LESS IS NO LESS WORTHY. And the voice in my heart reminded me that what I AM doing is learning and discovering and growing and transforming…just like my students.

October is the month of my departure so until then, it’s business as usual (except my City classes which I will not be teaching this fall – back in January). I’ll be at Maitreya for morning classes Tuesdays and Thursdays – check out the fall schedule on the link to Maitreya Yoga Studio. And to those who are joining me in September for the Autumn Yoga Retreat for Women, I look forward to sharing more with you then.

Om shanti Om…

Remember when we were in grade school and one of the first things you had to write about in September was “What I Did on My Summer Vacation”? If I were to do that now, it would be a full essay…so many things! From a glamorous Miami condo to a log home in the Laurentians to Big Rideau boating to milestone birthday bash in a party bus to Lake Huron sunsets to backyard green chair chilling…and the list continues. Within all the DOING there is BEING – in the moment, just taking it all in.

What a wonderful season to practice more mindfulness! Looking and really SEEING…FEELING…EXPERIENCING. From the big picture to the more subtle, there are so many aspects to each moment that we can miss in the blink of an eye if we’re not paying attention. From the beauty of a sunset to a tiny spider hanging on to a thread in the wind, there are amazing moments of connection right in front of us at all times.

Connection is not just for those times of beauty, peace, joy. Mindfulness practice encourages us to be equally present for those not-so-nice moments; ones that might be filled with frustration, anger, impatience, doubt, regret. Like waiting in an airport line-up, or being cooped up in the car for too long, or eating too much, or having a crappy night’s sleep. While these are the less pleasant realities of summer vacation travel, they are nevertheless part of the whole experience of BEING. And like anything, they are transient and impermanent and all but forgotten (if we can let them go and not re-hash them over and over) as soon as the next pleasant moment arrives. So in answer to the question “What did you do on your summer vacation?”, I would say I SAW, I FELT, I ROSE UP, I FELL DOWN, I TOOK A BREATH, I LAUGHED, I CRIED, I SWORE, I LIVED…and then I came home to my comfy green chairs and CHILLED…What did YOU do on your summer va-cay?

Sending out good vibes to the universe, making a wish, letting go of what no longer serves you, or saying goodbye…

Send it up, up and away…

So…the de-cluttering (phase one) was successful. We tried to stick to the reduce, re-use, recycle formula and keep the pile destined for the landfill to a minimum. We reminisced over old souvenirs, we laughed over old love letters, we argued over sports equipment, and we silently rescued a few precious things from the GO pile and snuck them into the STAY pile when the other person wasn’t looking…

The hardest things to let go of were reminders of youth; of innocence, creativity, happiness, fun, freedom, old friendships, as if those times were gone forever. I found myself reluctant to toss away the THING that was the reminder, as if it signalled the END of something. Like maybe I would FORGET…But all those wonderful memories are deeply engrained in me for they have become a part of who I am, so how can I possibly forget? And some of the things that are no longer useful have been removed, from basement and heart and mind. Once I have physically (and symbolically) sent them to the trash, I have cut the ties. The unappealing image of rooting through a garbage heap to re-hash, re-live, and retrieve those unhealthy, toxic, non-useful things helped to put it all in perspective. I will choose not to be a garbage-picker.

With phase one complete, not only did we come away with a great sense of accomplishment but with a definite feeling of freedom…like our basement could actually breathe…WE could breathe. This was only “phase one”; next rainy weekend we’ll be at it again. But for now, we have emerged from the basement to enjoy the sunshine, the light, the warmth, the breathing space.

Today my backyard is a soggy wet field of green, and the forecast calls for continuing rain . A possible blessing in disguise, at least for the next couple of days. Because if it was beautifully sunny out, I would be tempted to chill on my back deck, laze around in my green chairs with a beverage, and snooze the long weekend away. Remove the lure of sunshine and along comes the perfect opportunity to blitz the basement and de-clutter.

De-cluttering is a true test of detachment; of letting go of what really is no longer important. I think it is safe to say we ALL have some “hoarding” tendencies. We hold on to STUFF forever (not only in our closets but in our hearts and minds), even though we may not look at it or use it or even really know where it is buried deep in the basement. Sure we have sentimental items that remind us of special times or people; all it takes is one look at the item and all those wonderful (or not so wonderful) memories come flooding back. Other things we have long forgotten about and wonder why we even kept them in the first place. And then there are those things we keep “just in case”…in case we MIGHT use it, MIGHT fit into it again, MIGHT give it away, MIGHT be valuable one day…

How do we cut these strings of attachment? It starts with being mindful of how we cling, why we cling, and our reluctance to let go. It means recognizing that some things we can truly live without; then we take that step to cut the cord. It might not be easy, maybe even downright unpleasant and painful, but it is necessary. Yogis and sages have taught that the regular cleansing of one’s bodily “temple” provides a clean, pure, sacred space for the soul to reside in. Regular meditation clears and calms the mind. Why not use the same wisdom for our homes? Clear the boxes, cobwebs, old trinkets, and non-useful things so that energy can flow freely. We don’t have to get rid of everything…but making space lets us breathe, move, and live a little lighter, in body, mind, and home.

So as I venture into the basement, with all good intentions of slicing and dicing and clearing and purging, I’ll let you know how it REALLY goes…

My hubby is a do-er. He has what seems like endless energy, so even on Father’s Day (supposedly HIS day), he is up before anyone doing last night’s dishes and running to the store to buy HIS beef tenderloin for HIS barbeque. He even brought me coffee in bed…

As a father he sets the ultimate example of DOING FOR OTHERS; an example set very early on in our sons’ lives so that they have grown up witnessing how a small act (and sometimes a big act) for someone else can make a difference. Father’s Day is an opportunity to say THANK YOU to someone who is a role model; who has made a difference in our lives (whether it be a birth father or another person who has guided us). To all those wise men who have been there as mentors, advisors, supporters, and stand-ins (I will never forget when a good friend, Mike, attended my son’s Father’s Day school function on my husband’s behalf while he was travelling – certainly caused a few eyebrows to raise!), a very HAPPY FATHER’S DAY to you all. And to my own Dad, I love you…

A PARENT’S PRAYER – author unknown

Oh Heavenly Father, make me a better parent.

Teach me to understand my children, to listen patiently to what they have to say, and to answer all their questions kindly.

Keep me from interrupting them or contradicting them.

Make me as courteous to them as I would have them be to me.

Forbid that I should ever laugh at their mistakes, or resort to shame or ridicule when they displease me.

May I never punish them for my own selfish satisfaction or to show my power.

Let me not tempt my child to lie or steal.

And guide me hour by hour that I may demonstrate by all I say and do that honesty promotes happiness.

Reduce, I pray, the meanness in me. And when I am out of sorts, help me, Oh Lord, to hold my tongue.

May I ever be mindful that my children are children, and I should not expect of them the judgement of adults.

Let me not rob them of the opportunity to wait on themselves and to make decisions.

Bless me with the bigness to grant them all their reasonable requests and the courage to deny them privileges that I know will do them harm.

Make me fair, just, and kind. And fit me, Oh Lord, to be loved and respected and imitated by my children.

AMEN

I love how the universe presents opportunities to us – chances to learn and transform. Sometimes these opportunities are not so clear and downright yucky…but it is said that there is a lesson in everything so it is up to us to be AWAKE enough to first see the lesson, then learn from it.

I also love how opportunities to learn fall squarely in our lap, literally right under our nose. We don’t necessarily have to travel to the ends of the earth, to a sacred place, or even to a yoga class (although I love when people come to my class – so keep coming!). Sometimes a chance for insight is right in our own backyards, so if we pluck out the weeds, tend our inner gardens, and nourish our own space, we just might find the answers are RIGHT HERE.

I’ve been keeping a journal for several years where I write down words of wisdom that resonate with me. Even though they are someone else’s words, the message they hold is universal and there for anyone…if you’re open to it. So here is part of my list to share; you can use these sage words as advice, as warnings to heed, as contemplation in meditation, or as something to pass on to a friend in need.

1. Happiness must be grown in one’s own garden. (from a note card)

2. Your presence is a present to the world. (from a fridge magnet)

3. Eden is all around us. (headline in newspaper re: gardening)

4. Chillax, Mom! (my son telling me to be calm)

5. May you look at life squarely and find it worthwhile. (greeting card)

6. The true spiritual secret is this: what you seek, you already are. (Deepak Chopra)

7. Count your blessings, not your troubles. (fridge magnet)

8. After you get stung, you can’t get unstung no matter how much you whine about it. (from the book “The Secret Life of Bees” by Sue Monk Kidd)

9. Although the world is very full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.  (Helen Keller)

10. Not forgiving someone locks them and you in a prison; forgive and set each other free. (Pete Bernard – Algonquin Shaman)

11. Pay yourself first. (Glenn Mifsud – Stillpoint Yoga Retreat Centre; I also think David Chilton, The Wealthy Barber, said this too…)

12. Be the change you want to see in the world. (Mahatma Gandhi)

13. Do not kiss your children so they will kiss you back. Kiss them so they will kiss their children and their children’s children. (from a Starbucks cup)

14. Fear less…love more. (Anonymous)

May we all be open to these lessons…

***If YOU have any “sage” words to share, send them to me!

With Mother’s Day approaching, I’ve been thinking a lot about the role of being a mom: to nurture, to guide, to support, to feed, to teach. Years ago as a new mom I looked to books, pediatricians,  mom-and-baby groups, and Grandmas for advice and wisdom, making sure I was doing all the “right” things. Some of the tried-and-true practices and theories were very helpful at the time (only to change a few years later – exactly what is the right side to put a baby to sleep: back/side/belly???). Some of the advice was contradictory: “You should be harder on them” vs. “You shouldn’t be so hard on them”. Some of the advice was judgemental: “I can’t believe you let him get away with that” and some of the advice felt plain wrong: “It’s just one beer…”. Some of the guidance was invaluable: “Let them BE”.

Trusting in your own wisdom as a mom is so important, and requires you to take a good look at yourself. If you want your children to be happy, you must be that yourself. If you want your children to be free from anxiety, stop worrying so much yourself. If you want your children to be independent, confident, and content, let them do for themselves/be themselves/find themselves and do the same for YOURSELF. Be willing to let them go…

For some moms, Mother’s Day is a hard day. Dealing with loss, no matter how recent or how far in the past, it tugs at our maternal heart-strings. Perhaps this is the day to let it tug, to let yourself go there, to feel your loss, to release your sorrow, and to then take another step forward. Perhaps it’s a day to lift your heart to the sky and take a full breath for YOU. Some of us other mothers will be silently sending out energy, giving you support…because that’s what we do as moms…

Now as my sons are “grown up” and creating their own paths, I could not be more proud. Not because of what I’ve done for them, but because of what they are doing for themselves. I feel like my arms are opening wider, spreading out a huge blanket of love and support, giving space for them to grow. This Mother’s Day, I celebrate THEM, for teaching me to love and live.

“OPEN YOUR ARMS WIDE”

Wise parents do not strive,

yet their purposes never fail.

They are available,

but never interfere.

They communicate,

but never lecture.

They let their children go,

but never lose them.

These parents are like the Tao

They open wide their hearts and hands,

yet never lose a thing.

If I grasp my children and my other treasures,

I will have only what my arms can hold.

And even that slips through my grasp.

But the wider I have opened my arms,

the more and more I find.

If I can ever open wide,

I will have everything.

(from “The Parent’s Tao Te Ching”, William Martin; 1999, De Capo Press)