Yoga In My Backyard

Oh sweet transformation…revelling in the blissful feeling of contentment and joy. Every day I’ve been feeling grateful and happy, and living in the moment. No, I am not walking around “in a cloud of patchouli” (as one of my teachers would say), nor have I traded my jeans for a crimson robe. While I chant mantras daily and welcome the expansive feeling of spiritual energy in my practice, I still crave a good latte and long for a pedicure. I still have my moments of frustration, impatience, and anger, but I have some new tools to help me manage them.

The “new” part of me is the happier, more aware self who knows without a doubt that I am worthy, I am valuable, I am love, and I have a voice. The “old” part of me was always just that…only I didn’t really see it. It was covered up by layers of doubt, guilt, attachment, and belief that I “should” do/be/act in a certain way. This experience in India has allowed me to peel away these layers to reveal that which was already there…

This will be a work-in-progress and many more layers will need to be shed. I realize I am living in a totally different environment at the moment than my “real” life. How will I be when I am back at my desk, when I’m in the packed grocery store line-up, when I’m doing piles of laundry? Is it possible to live an authentic life in our crazy egocentric “do more – achieve more” western world? Even the ancient yogis had advice on that without having a clue just how crazy the world would be…The Bhagavad Gita teaches that it IS possible to lead a spiritual life AND do your work in the world. Through love, right action, and letting go of the outcomes, we can make it. That is so encouraging to me…

Before I left, my sister said, “Don’t come back all weird…” Not to worry – it will be the new old me heading home, with a big smile and an even bigger heart.

On the journey of spiritual self-discovery, us explorers are often driven by the search for that great mystical experience that will enlighten us…or at the very least, give us an answer, ANY answer to whatever it is we are questioning about life. Whether it is in the solitude of a cave in the mountains, a vision quest in the forest, a pilgrimage to a sacred site, sitting at home on your own meditation cushion, or even standing in the Produce department of the grocery store…sometimes we are waiting for that one big A-HA moment that makes it all seem clear (whatever “IT” is…). I have to admit that part of me was kind of hoping for that here in India – maybe I would have a big “samadhi” moment and I would be transformed from one who doesn’t get it to ONE WHO DOES GET IT.

Here in India, we are learning breathing techniques and meditative practices that all assist in cleansing our bodies and clearing our minds in order to create the conditions for insights to occur. Because we are immersed in the practice daily, there are many opportunities for clarity and there have already been a lot of “lightbulb” moments where we are starting to figure things out. But the big revelation for me came after a series of Kundalini classes.

In addition to our teacher’s signature Hatha-Raja practice and the Akhanda holistic yoga we are studying, we have been learning Classical Kundalini. This is an advanced practice that includes mantra, movement, and breath…LOTS of breath. So much breath it is rightly called “breath of fire”. It heats you up, and makes energy move, and when energy moves it comes out in very interesting ways. This release or manifestation of kundalini energy moving up can often be un-nerving and downright freaky. Some of us were shaking like mad, some had tears, some barely felt a thing, and some were just looking on not sure of what to think! At first it scared me…and like anything out of my comfort zone, I didn’t like it. I tried to resist and the shaking just kept on. After a few more classes, Q & A sessions, and the assurance that this is indeed ok, I decided to change my perspective and go to the class without expectation, judgement or negative attitude. That’s when the remarkable happened…

As we progressed through the chakras, an electric feeling moved up my spine and as the energy grew stronger I reached a crossroads point. I could resist or I could surrender…and I chose surrender. For me this was THE pivotal moment because I took a breath, relinquished all control, relaxed my forehead (I can still hear my teacher, Vishva-ji, telling me to soften), and gave myself over to the experience. I made the decision – this was so empowering! How many times in my life when faced with challenges have I held back, doubting myself, questioning, digging my heels in wanting things to be different? How many times have I fought acceptance and preferred to live in denial? How could I have thought this was freedom, when in fact I was still stuck in my own perceptions of what was right?

Surrender doesn’t mean giving up…it means giving over to what is. In that moment during my yoga class, I did not feel fear, I did not worry, I did not cling, and I didn’t even try to hang on to any blissful feeling. Without any attachment or aversion, in that moment I truly was just ME, completely free. It is very difficult in words to explain this…it was the most free I have ever felt.

What happened next was actually insignificant (even though it was the most incredible electric feeling that ran all the way up my spine, into my arms and legs, and up the back of my head to my ears) compared to my moment of choosing to let go. The great mystical experience turned out to not be the end result after all (i.e. the full body sensations of electricity), but rather it was precisely the moment before, when I chose SURRENDER.

In the days since, I have felt clarity like I’ve never felt. I have felt compassion, and unity and an even deeper love for my friends and family whom I miss so much. I have felt so happy, like a weight has been lifted. Turns out that I am not one who does not get it after all… I am one who feels IT. IT is connection, IT is love, IT is God…I am trying to practice this surrender in all moments and I have to say, it is a wonderful way to live.

The whole purpose of a cleanse is to get the sludge out of your body and bring your system back into balance. Therefore, it kind of goes without saying, that one will be running back and forth to the bathroom. However, with the detox we just did at the ashram, I had no idea it would be more like bee-lining to the can over and over and over again, all night long…We started by drinking about a litre of warm salt water with lime, then we did 4 yoga poses to help get things moving. We drank and did our poses until it was anywhere from 8 – 10 litres or more. Once the flood gates opened there was no turning back! But I have to say that the whole process was kind of fun because we were all doing it together, everyone cheered when someone had “success” and ran to their room, and for those who seemed to be pretty plugged up there was personal attention by our wonderful resident nurse and an enema tube!

Our bodies felt physically exhausted afterwards so rest and quiet followed the big “party”. Now it was time to deal with the detoxing of the mind, emotions, feelings…Interesting to observe what came up. In myself I seemed to run through the gamut – apprehension to motivation to pride to giving up to judgement to acceptance. But what I most noticed were the cravings, the desires, the aversions. Our diet dramatically changed to support this cleanse so kitchari (a soupy combo of rice, beans, some crunchy things and spices) and ghee (SO much ghee…) became our staple. While excellent for nourishment and re-balancing of our systems after cleansing, it doesn’t offer much in the way of pleasing our taste buds. And this is where all the cravings set in…

It made me analyze my relationship to the food I eat. My body requires nutrition to function optimally but so often what I choose is based more on what appeals to my senses. The smell of coffee is enough to hook me (even though coffee is so acidic and totally wrong for my Pitta dosha); the look of perfectly melted cheese on an all-dressed pizza; the colourful sprinkles on a Tim Horton’s donut…my senses seem to choose my diet, not my sensibility. But what I’m learning here through Ayurveda and from experiencing how I feel after a sattvic diet, is making me realize more and more that WE ARE WHAT WE EAT. To infuse our bodies with the best energy (prana) possible, it has to start with what we take in. And that is from all aspects – not just our food but what we breathe, what we watch, what we are exposed to, who we hang out with. And if we think we don’t have a choice, we actually do. We can say no…

Before we eat every meal, we join in to chant a mantra that acknowledges a Higher Power that pervades all things, including our food. The offering (organic food lovingly grown and brought forth from the earth), the receiving (of the meal that has been mindfully prepared), the energy that we consume (and is transformed in our bodies). Like a Vedic saying of “grace”, we tune in to this Higher Power and feel gratitude and connection. So thinking of this changed my cravings and helped me get down that last mouthful of ghee instead of complaining, criticizing, or wanting something else. I know that when I get home I will likely give in to my cravings on occasion, but this journey (and detox) is giving me the tools to make better choices.

Here’s a pic of post-detox. Still a little unsettled in the bowel department but feeling lighter, clearer, and more grateful.

The weather here in Tapovan is changing as we approach the winter season. It’s cool and windy in the mornings, and with no heating (other than some space heaters) at the ashram, we are all bundled up in the morning with jackets, shawls, and hand-knitted slipper socks (I am now a convert to socks-with-sandals out of necessity…chilly feet in my flip flops!). Our meditation hall isn’t too bad but the yoga hall is freezing sometimes, with that Himalayan wind whipping through. It is actually refreshing, knowing that it is carrying special “prana”.

There is change in the weather of another sort as well. As one of my teachers said this morning, our thoughts/emotions/feelings are very much like the weather – sometimes calm and serene and other times raging like a storm. I knew it would happen to me at some point…the feelings of homesickness, frustration with cold showers, boredom with the same food, craving for a latte, longing for my husband’s arms around me, then anger at myself for not staying focused. This is being human and all of us here are playing out similar patterns of wanting something else; of wanting to be somewhere else. I had my mini-meltdown in my room one evening, and cried and cried…but instead of beating myself up for being a “baby”, I just let it happen and really allowed myself to feel it in my body, feel it in my heart. Just like the weather, the little storm passed. Rather than letting it get to me, I let it go and moved forward to face another day with a little more space, a little more compassion for myself in my heart, and a feeling of empowerment that gave me the assurance that I can handle this.

The sun is out today, there is warmth on my face and I’m ready to get back to class. Hari Om!

When I first arrived at the ashram, I felt like a tourist at a hotel. After settling in, getting my bearings, and figuring out the lay of the town, I now feel more like part of a big family that eats, sleeps, lives, and works together.

Our schedule is busy – up at 4:30 am to make our 5:20 am meditation, then yoga class at 6 am. Classes, lectures, reading, homework, practice, and weekly karma yoga to help clean the ashram…the days fill quickly. With small pockets of free time, we all scramble to the internet cafe for a chai and a quick email check-in with our loved ones. Our commitments and responsibilities as students are many but all in the name of self-discovery, growth, transformation and service. This is made possible in part by many unsung “heroes” behind the scenes that keep things running so smoothly so we can keep our focus.

Like the staff who arrive very early to ensure that we have hot water and fresh limes at 5 am. The kitchen crew who mindfully prepare our three daily meals with care and serve us in their own unique way (the older man with the white and orange hair who bangs on the pot to get our attention and overloads the second helping; the young guy with his colourful sweaters and skinny jeans; the tall fellow who offers two versions of tea – “sweet or no sweet”). The daily laundry man who returns our clothes washed and neatly folded for what amounts to less than 20 cents per item. The ashram manager who quietly roams the hallways ensuring all is well. Everyone has a job to do here, and they do so willingly and with pride, no matter how small.

This work ethic seems to extend beyond our walls to the whole town from the shopkeepers to the householders to the tuk-tuk drivers to the chai servers. I am in awe of the construction workers who literally build structures brick by brick with their hands, hauling materials up ladders with pulleys and muscle power. They balance huge bags of supplies on their heads. In flip-flops, button-up shirts, and with no hard hats or safety glasses, they work long hours day after day. Talk about effort, energy, discipline…

Yoga teaches a similar ethic called “TAPAS” and refers to the commitment and devotion to the work required on the spiritual path. To support growth and transformation, one needs to step up, be present, do their best, and balance their energy. Yoga has so many wonderful techniques and practices for this, many of which we have been experiencing daily. I sincerely hope these wonderful people in the background of our busy day have their own moments to sit back, breathe, and relax for they have so earned it. I’m very grateful they happily share their backyard with me..

This is my 5th day in India…and I could write a book about the experiences of every day. I have limited access to the internet, and the free time I do have is meant to be studying, not sitting in front of my iPad. But some things need to be shared, especially about how I have shifted from being totally out of my comfort zone to acceptance, respect, and appreciation for a culture that I (like many of us “rich” Westerners) have, in many ways, often misunderstood.

My comfort zone was challenged from the moment I stepped off the plane in Delhi to a smog-laden, noisy, smelly city. For the next 24 hours I would see things that both shocked and awed me, as we drove through a city full of many riches, but also with poverty such as I have never seen in my life. Our bus driver was an expert at maneuvering us through crazy streets and traffic I could have never imagined (people are supposed to drive on the left but that doesn’t stop them from passing on the left, right, middle and shoulder of the road…) and through roads that by our standards would be considered off limits due to poor maintenance. But people here seem to manage…and get to where they need to be day after day.

I could finally take a breath of fresh air as we reached the ashram in Tapovan, a village just beyond Rishikesh, with the Himalayan foothills right in our backyard and the Ganges minutes away. The ashram is located in a spot that receives the winds from the Himalayas, laden with that wonderful energy we call “prana”, and during our yoga practice in the hall upstairs, we take this in through our bodies, breath, mind, and hearts…it is a magical place.

Getting used to ashram life requires letting go of the luxuries and getting back to basics. Nourishing sattvic vegetarian food, simple accomodations, quiet evenings (except for the barking of wild dogs and non-stop firecrackers on Diwali!), and early sleeps are so conducive to getting one’s body and mind on track. It’s like doing an extended detox for body and soul…only with the support of the community of like-minded people who have come from places like Brazil, Italy, Japan, the US and Canada. We are all here for a teacher training program, but we are first and foremost here to re-connect with our own true selves, for when we come to live from that place of inner peace/beauty/bliss, we grow into authentic teachers of this profound practice of YOGA.

My perspective has shifted since I arrived, and when I walk the village streets filled with everyone from tourists to locals, from business owners to beggars, from rich to poor (and from monkeys to cows!), I am beginning to see more and more how we are ALL connected. I am happy to walk down those dilapidated narrow roads full of life and lessons to learn, because for the next several weeks, this will be my backyard.

Oh the things we take for granted at home…like the low cost of a cup of coffee! We all know that airports jack up the prices for food and conveniences but the equivalent of $7 CDN for a coffee??? Please…however, I paid it so I guess I’ve just fuelled the economy in Switzerland and gave into a habit that seriously needs to be curbed before I get to India!

In London I had one of the best coffees I’ve ever tasted at a little French bistro called “Cafe Rouge”. A great Americano with real cream (not the low-fat version I buy at home) accompanied by mini samplers of tarte tatin, a tiny chocolate lava cake, and a lemon torte. I happily dropped 15 GBP for that brief moment of pleasure…and then the moment was gone.

This was after walking through the luxury departments in Harrod’s – room after room of decadent goods with big price tags. As I gazed through the glass at a piece of jewelry with a cost of over 15,000 GBP, I wondered who would pay that much, how they would justify the cost, and in wearing it would it make them feel more important?

So I just finished off my $7 cup of coffee, every last drop…and I’m feeling jittery. Okay that’s it…no more. Time to let go of the habit and contemplate the value of much more important things.

After nearly 20 years of distance, I reunited with a dear friend halfway across the world. What better place to re-connect than in London, England! Not only have we reminisced about good old times, but we are now sharing new experiences together which have deepened our friendship.

I love the poem about “friends for a reason, friends for a season” and it speaks to the ever-changing nature of our relationships. Some people come into our lives for only a brief moment while others remain part of our lives for years. I think that the momentary acquaintances can be just as important as the long-time friends, for they were meant to come into your life at just that time perhaps to lend a hand, teach you something, or make your day. It sure makes you think about the ripple effect and how one smile or act of kindness can impact someone else’s life. Is it possible to treat all people we meet as friends? In the Yoga Sutras, Patanjali said it well – “cultivate friendliness towards the happy, compassion for the unhappy, delight in the virtuous, and equanimity in the face of adversity”. You don’t have to go all the way to London…simply take care of the people in your own backyard.

But I have to say…being in London with a good friend is pretty sweet…

This past weekend I had the honour of hosting fifteen lovely women for an annual yoga and meditation retreat in Prince Edward County. Such a beautiful location…very conducive to restoring and renewing one’s energy. Our theme for the retreat was CONNECTION – to oneself, to others, and to nature. Over the course of the weekend, I witnessed the unfolding of an energetic exchange amongst the women that grew deeper day by day. Faces that were initially apprehensive and uncertain, became relaxed and at ease. Bodies that held tension from stress began to move with grace and flow. Over-active minds experienced moments of peace and serenity; I could see it in their smiles and hear it in their hearty laughs. There was a transformation in these women happening before my eyes and I watched in awe as they blossomed.

So many special connections were made, but what I found to be the most interesting was when I asked the women to give away one of the pebbles they had collected in an earlier afternoon activity. At the time they found these pebbles, they had no idea who they would be giving them to; they were just to find a stone that was unique in some way and “spoke” to them. Later, in our yoga circle, I had them turn to the person on their left and present them with the pebble. The words that came from the heart of each woman were so precious, so genuine, and so in-the-moment, that I simply sat back and listened with astonishment. Each individual pebble seemed to be the perfect gift, as if the recipient was receiving exactly what she needed. A simple gift from nature created the biggest connection of all…and it was beautiful to watch.

Our goodbyes at the end of the retreat were a combination of laughter, hugs, tears, and well wishes. I believe everyone, including myself, took home a piece of each other, and at the same time, left a piece of themselves behind. A piece that was no longer needed or a layer of “stuff” that needed to be shed…Such is the power of a retreat – to release, renew, rejuvenate, and restore.

Sometimes one needs to venture beyond their own backyard, away from the ordinary routine and the noise of the city; to connect with nature and the elements in order to re-set. I believe we NEED this more than ever…and I am blessed to have been able to experience it once again with such a remarkable group of women.