The New Old Me

Oh sweet transformation…revelling in the blissful feeling of contentment and joy. Every day I’ve been feeling grateful and happy, and living in the moment. No, I am not walking around “in a cloud of patchouli” (as one of my teachers would say), nor have I traded my jeans for a crimson robe. While I chant mantras daily and welcome the expansive feeling of spiritual energy in my practice, I still crave a good latte and long for a pedicure. I still have my moments of frustration, impatience, and anger, but I have some new tools to help me manage them.

The “new” part of me is the happier, more aware self who knows without a doubt that I am worthy, I am valuable, I am love, and I have a voice. The “old” part of me was always just that…only I didn’t really see it. It was covered up by layers of doubt, guilt, attachment, and belief that I “should” do/be/act in a certain way. This experience in India has allowed me to peel away these layers to reveal that which was already there…

This will be a work-in-progress and many more layers will need to be shed. I realize I am living in a totally different environment at the moment than my “real” life. How will I be when I am back at my desk, when I’m in the packed grocery store line-up, when I’m doing piles of laundry? Is it possible to live an authentic life in our crazy egocentric “do more – achieve more” western world? Even the ancient yogis had advice on that without having a clue just how crazy the world would be…The Bhagavad Gita teaches that it IS possible to lead a spiritual life AND do your work in the world. Through love, right action, and letting go of the outcomes, we can make it. That is so encouraging to me…

Before I left, my sister said, “Don’t come back all weird…” Not to worry – it will be the new old me heading home, with a big smile and an even bigger heart.

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4 Comments

  1. Edna Kennedy said,

    December 12, 2013 at 10:10 am

    Such truthful and honest words Anne. Although I have not been physically with you on this adventure I have often thought about the ~return of Anne~ It will be quite a shock to return to your old way life but you will do it with such positivity therefore creating the happiness you so deserve. PS don’t rush back into laundry duties too soon. Love you xxxxx

  2. stcmom said,

    December 12, 2013 at 10:14 am

    So beautiful to read of this evolving transformation Anne. There is an air of contentment… Lots of love and hugs from Ottawa.

  3. Heather Stubbs said,

    December 12, 2013 at 10:22 am

    Absolutely right on! It’s not about removing the challenges of everyday life. It’s about having and USING the tools to stay happy and authentic in the midst of it. It’s exactly as you say: love, acting with integrity and compassion, and letting go of outcomes. I’m so happy for you, Anne! I can hardly wait for you to come home!

  4. Ernie Domitrovits said,

    December 17, 2013 at 10:44 pm

    Bravo sister ! Have a safe trip home.

    Ern


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