Love…actually…

Over 30-plus years ago, something happened to me that changed the trajectory of my life forever. It was unexpected, in-the-moment, and kind of goofy. I had no idea to what heights it would take me, or to what lows it would help me endure. I could not have imagined how it would guide me to today. That something was (and still is) LOVE…actually…

Today is my (our) 28th wedding anniversary. My gift to hubby is this public declaration of my love…and an opportunity to contemplate what it really means. Has today’s definition of love changed or is there a timeless essence that exists no matter what era? Romantic love, familial love, pet love, tough love, friend love, love you end a text message with (LY4E – love you forever), self-love, spiritual love…It goes by many forms but I looked up the definition in my old 1997 Merriam-Webster dictionary and it seems that the basis of ALL love is a deep connection between 2 or more parties (whether those parties are between me/myself/I, my spouse, God, or all of humanity). This is the definition:

LOVE (noun) – “strong affection; warm attachment; attraction based on sexual desire; a beloved person; unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for others; a score of zero in tennis”.

Ha, love can even be found at Wimbledon…

One of the more traditional passages used to explain LOVE is from the Bible – 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 and was one we used in our wedding vows:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails…”

And yet others, from the online Urban Dictionary:

The most spectacular, indescribable, deep euphoric feeling for someone…unconditional affection with no limits or conditions…an overused word…either a horrible disease or a blessing…is known to be highly contagious and can be deadly…

Ah yes, the downside of love – when it’s not reciprocated, or when it’s betrayed, or when it is lost. When there is an interrupt in the giving-receiving flow. When one’s definition changes because of past negative experiences that shadow the real essence of love. Such a complicated four-letter word…

An interesting perspective on LOVE comes from the more scientific view of “positivity resonance” – being in HARMONY with those around you by establishing a positive connection that is mirrored back to you. According to research, when we are connected with others our brain and heart rhythms synchronize. This leads to improved physiological functioning and a higher sense of well-being (see https://www.theconnection.tv/the-power-of-love-how-3-micro-moments-change-everything/ for how to practice better connection).

I’m not an expert, but the very fact that I’m writing this today makes me understand that right here, right now, I am IN love and it is with WITHIN me. I feel it coming back to me…everyday…so I know hubby feels the same. I see it in his actions, hear it in his words, feel it when he wraps his arms around me, and know it in my heart. Even on those days when we’re feeling off or when we’re travelling apart or after we’ve had a disagreement or when we forget…it’s still there. And it is the biggest gift we can pass on by example to our sons. Maybe the oldest definition from the Bible still holds true. Love never fails…

Happy Anniversary, Honey. LY4E..as goofy as you are…

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13 Comments

  1. Lubna Sadik said,

    May 23, 2015 at 12:52 pm

    Happy Anniversary!!! Xo Lubna

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

  2. johnrocheleau@bellnet.ca said,

    May 23, 2015 at 5:28 pm

    Lucky man!!
    Sent wirelessly from my BlackBerry device on the Bell network.
    Envoyé sans fil par mon terminal mobile BlackBerry sur le réseau de Bell.

  3. johnstubbs8 said,

    May 23, 2015 at 5:32 pm

    And this three-word summation, Anne: love never imposes.

  4. johnstubbs8 said,

    May 23, 2015 at 5:34 pm

    Happy anniversary from us too! Dad and Heather

  5. terrykins said,

    May 23, 2015 at 6:48 pm

    Happy anniversary! May you enjoy another 28 years together.

  6. Lisa said,

    May 24, 2015 at 12:16 am

    Happy anniversary Anne and John! Keep it going strong and grounded.

  7. ANNE STUBBS said,

    May 24, 2015 at 7:45 am

    Thank you all for your kind wishes! And Lisa, just to be clear, it’s Anne and DAVE (John is his dad…). Although I once had a crush on a guy named John in high school…he was definitely NOT the “one” as I later discovered!

  8. G said,

    May 25, 2015 at 5:24 am

    Happy belated!
    I remember that photo moment and it brought back many happy memories for me too:)
    I just read your post because it was a very busy weekend. I know you always write something wonderful that deserves attention in the moment and you did!

    You wrote about 2 loving people who I am very glad to have in my life. Both of you set an example of love and kindness to each other, the boys and many others. I look forward to that continuing for many many more years.

  9. Peter Kreutzner said,

    May 25, 2015 at 3:14 pm

    I LOVE this Anne, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY. You have obviously married your best friend and the love of your life where you can share the joys and divide the sorrows. Hugs,Joan

  10. Judy Fagan-Cornell said,

    May 26, 2015 at 10:23 pm

    Hi Anne,
    Loved your love story! Miss you and yoga.

    Judy

    • ANNE STUBBS said,

      May 27, 2015 at 6:21 am

      Thank you, Judy. Yoga misses you, too…Roll out your mat and enjoy a good long stretch this afternoon!

  11. charmaine said,

    June 1, 2015 at 9:44 pm

    I have been a busy student and unfortunately my social life has suffered over endless weekends of homework. Most e-mails go by without being opened, but your subject caught my attention and of course I intuitively knew it was about you and Dave. Bravo, well done, you make it look so easy but then again nothing is difficult when it is approached with love.
    hugs, Charmaine

    • ANNE STUBBS said,

      June 2, 2015 at 7:22 pm

      Charmaine, glad to hear it was “LOVE” that got your attention! Hope you are finding some time to breathe in between all your work. Perhaps it’s time to join one of my retreats…just sayin’…


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