Yoga In My Backyard

…as long as you give it some downtime once in a while. At least that’s what I try to do every day whether it is sitting on my meditation cushion, lying in Savasana, or curled up on my green chair in my backyard gazing out at the trees. But lately my mind seems to be busier than usual and harder to settle. I was starting to feel frustrated, agitated, restless, and downright angry some mornings that I couldn’t seem to quiet my mind. Many times I gave up, grabbed my iPad and checked my email instead.

Meditation isn’t about emptying the mind completely or making thoughts go away. It’s about sitting with what is there in your mind regardless of whether it’s stormy or calm, and not reacting. I know this…I’ve studied this…I’ve practiced this…but it’s not always easy. So one morning I decided to take a more investigative approach and examine just what was going on in this monkey mind of mine. Here’s what I discovered:

1. My morning mind after sleep is definitely quieter than my evening mind after a busy day. Which proves to me that sleep is such an important requirement to give the mind a chance to restore, re-group, and re-set. Upon awakening, one can then ease into their day with a calm mind..unless it was a particularly crappy sleep…

2.  If the crappy sleep was due to thoughts racing, there is no use getting all worked up about it in the middle of the night. Instead, a 3:00 am breath awareness practice often helps. If the crappy sleep was due to a partner snoring or a son making pizza at 3:00 am, there is still no use fuming about it. Ear plugs AND a breath awareness practice seem to be the ticket…

3. There seems to be a theme to many of my thoughts –  “shoulda/woulda/coulda”. These come up before bed when my mind seems to rehash the events of the day. Why do we do that to ourselves so often? Second-guessing ourselves, wishing we had made different decisions, self-criticizing, blaming others…no wonder it is so hard to sit quietly with these thoughts. But in recognizing this pattern of thinking, I can then change it. Change it the very moment the thought comes in the first place and redirect it towards a more skillful way of thinking and doing, so that at the end of day I can look back and be content with the choices I’ve made. In fact, in this case there would be no need to look back at the end of day because I would have already let it go…happy, content, accepting, and confident in my right action. Such is the benefit of practicing more self-awareness.

4. I’m in awe of the power of the mind. Its workings are truly remarkable and scientists continue to investigate its potential. What’s even more incredible is that ancient yogis were able to tap into this potential through their meditative practices thousands of years ago, long before science had anything to say about it. So sometimes when I “go deep”, and it feels like I’ve connected with a vast expansive field of energy, I wonder if this is the place an ancient sage might have been. Beyond the body, beyond the breath, beyond the mind itself… floating in bliss. Am I imagining this? As soon as I question it, I lose it…

5. Some days I meditate for other people. I send them well-wishes, healing energy, love, compassion, strength…and it creates a real warm fuzzy feeling in me. It’s not that I do this so I can feel all good about myself; it’s that I do this with the genuine intention to help another human being and what comes back to me is the positive effects of loving-kindness. Studies have shown that people who cultivate feelings of compassion, love, joy, and kindness for others report those same feelings more often in themselves. The Buddhist practice of “Metta” or loving-kindness meditation, is a great way to get out of your own head and into your heart.

There are many other interesting insights I am discovering as I investigate my own mind, some of them not so nice and others pretty darn cool. It turns out that having a busy mind is not a bad thing; in fact, it is a totally NORMAL thing. And watching this monkey mind is teaching me that whatever is floating around in there is not necessarily the Truth (I am NOT my thoughts!). The Truth just might be in that place visited by both me and the ancient sages one morning as I sat on my meditation cushion…

Which one are YOU? Depends on your perspective…

Recently I was reading a blog from “davidji” (meditation teacher and author, spiritual counselor, and former dean of the Chopra Centre University) and he was writing about shifting our perspective from POVERTY CONSCIOUSNESS to ABUNDANCE CONSCIOUSNESS. This idea really resonated with me. It made me think about how many times I gripe about lacking in something…or how many times I wish I had something more…or how many times I stockpile stuff in case I “might” run out of it…or even worse, how many times I carelessly WASTE things/time/energy, taking for granted that I have an endless supply…

For me, poverty consciousness is thinking I need more than I have, even though I know darn well that I am so “well off” in all realms – physical, emotional, relationship, spiritual and yes, the material realm. It’s hard not to WANT more…we are inundated daily with reminders that to have MORE  means you are succeeding. The big house, fancy car, great job, tons of Facebook friends, lots of students in your yoga class…why do we continue to think that these things really make us RICH?

Abundance consciousness means to me that in each moment, with each breath, I feel gratitude for everything in my life that I already have, even if it happens to be something yucky (for in that is a lesson…right?). It means taking a good look at how I live and striving to live ethically so that I don’t waste, don’t harm, don’t steal (sound familiar to you yogis? Aparigraha, Ahimsa, Asteya…). It means living from the perspective of already having ENOUGH…in fact, sometimes even more than enough. So when it comes to making a decision (to buy or not to buy? to share or keep? to give or take? to cling or to let go? to speak or stay quiet?), I can do so from a more grounded, real place, instead of from the seat of desire.

From his experience in meditation,”davidji” teaches that we can take small steps to shift to abundance consciousness by pausing each day to look at one of the five realms – physical, emotional, material, relationship, spiritual – and to commit to one change. With practice, we can get rid of the excess baggage, take care of neglected things, clear some space, and regain clarity. In this clarity we tend to our real needs in skillful ways, let go of the unskillful habits, and discover the true richness within ourselves. We also make space to share that abundance with those who really need it, giving of our time and resources in the spirit of compassion.

The mantra OM MANE PADME HUM is sometimes translated as “the jewel in the lotus of the heart”. Perhaps this is the perfect reminder of our richness, and how by taking care of and letting go of the muck in our lives, we reveal our beauty and true divine nature.

Have you noticed how noisy our world is? And the startling thing is that we seem to add more noise without thinking twice about it – flipping on the TV when we get home from work; amplifying our home movies with subwoofers and surround-sound; beginning our day with an alarming “alarm”; filling the empty spaces of our social connections with small talk and jibber jabber…no wonder we often collapse into bed feeling exhausted!

For many of us (me included), silence is sometimes AWKWARD. It feels like you need to speak or laugh or clear your throat or do something…anything…other than just sit with the silence. Why is it so hard to BE QUIET?

I’ve just returned from a 4-day silent retreat. I knew what I was getting into; in fact, I was welcoming the opportunity to have peace and quiet. Remove speech and the world takes on a whole different perspective. There is no need to make small talk. Communication is through body language, through eye-to-eye contact, through simply sharing space together. Surprisingly for me, it wasn’t awkward at all; in fact, it felt good to just smile at another human being and project warmth. In that projection of warmth, there was a rebound effect that made me feel accepted, respected, and…LOVED.

BUT…take away the distraction of speech and you are left with the noise of your own mind. In silence you have no choice but to hear the sound of your thoughts. You can try to shut it out or run away from it (and yes, I did run at times in order NOT to face what was coming up…). Or you can meet it full on and simply bear witness. This is the supposed simplicity of meditation – just being with what’s going on in your mind. But it’s not easy to sit still when you are feeling pissed off, distracted, scattered, unsure…we want to twitch, fidget, or find something else that will get us out of this place. The sounds of our minds turn out to be our own voices of negative self-talk, judgement, criticism and re-hashing of old wounds. Grudges and memories of things we have not let go of…

Being quiet takes courage and bravery…and the willingness to go to places where we have not let ourselves go out of fear or denial. Being quiet means dealing with your SHIT. If we can do so within the container of self-love, self-compassion, self-acceptance, and self-forgiveness, then we truly can see what is holding us back or what is holding us down. When we SEE what is real, we can then move forward skillfully, making choices that support growth rather than hinder it. In fact, in silence we often find our VOICE so that what emerges is a new-found confidence and expression of our true selves, not our made-up selves.

In my silence I discovered how often I am judgemental. Not only towards others but towards myself. So my practice was to catch myself when I felt that way, to forgive myself for being that way, then to auto-shift out of that state of mind into a more compassionate way of thinking. Maybe the person I was judging was going through something I could not possibly be aware of; maybe the judgement of the situation was from too narrow a perspective based on my own biases; maybe I was being too hard on my own self. Bearing witness to my own thoughts helped me to shift out of the grooves or samskaras of old patterns and habitual ways of thinking into the bigger picture. That bigger picture draws us out of our smallness into our greatness.

So my recommendation is that we ALL be quiet…often…and really LISTEN to what’s going on in our heads. Listen from the perspective of an unbiased observer and hold yourself with compassion. Use discernment to weed out the thoughts that perpetuate our suffering (LET THEM GO…geez!) and to cultivate the thoughts that help us move forward in a positive way. We all want to be happy, joyful…at peace…not only for our own benefit but the benefit of everyone on this planet. So with all due respect, SHUT UP and BE QUIET…at least for a little while…

While I am a teacher of  this beautiful path of yoga, I am also an ongoing student…every day there is a new lesson to be learned on many levels. I feel sometimes that I have only just scratched the surface of this incredible inner world of ours and there is SO much more to understand. But what I HAVE learned on this path is what I endeavour to share with my students, and it is a responsibility that I take quite seriously.

People come to yoga for many reasons; I cannot possibly know what every participant in my class is going through. But what I do understand is that EVERYONE is going through SOMETHING and my job as a teacher is to create a safe, supportive space to allow students to process what they need to process. This job of holding space is twofold – first it requires keeping an eye on physical things like alignment, positioning, movement, and posture. Second (and more importantly), it requires guidance inward, beyond the physical to those places that we might not visit often enough…if ever. To go there involves trust and in guiding students to these places, we teachers must be gentle and compassionate, truthful and authentic.

When I’m sitting on my mat leading a class, it might be interesting to know what I’m experiencing as a teacher. While everyone’s eyes are closed, I am keeping a watchful eye. I have seen faces of bliss, faces of strain, faces of sadness, faces of boredom, faces of determination, faces of courage, faces of doubt, faces of anger, faces of defeat, faces of hope, and faces of love…Often I close my own eyes and just feel the energy of the room. Holding the space means being there with my students, guiding them deeper but not losing them. To me it means wrapping my arms around each and every one and holding them with care.

I have learned this from my own teacher, Yogrishi Vishvketu, who lovingly has taught me that our birthright is happiness, joy, fearlessness, and bliss…If I can help create the space for others to experience this, then my role as a teacher is fulfilled…and REAL. Come and explore with me…

The rare times I get to read home decor magazines seem to be sitting in a dentist’s waiting room. I like flipping through the pages, seeing what the latest trends are in colours and styles, but knowing full well that I cannot possibly afford to makeover my house that way. That’s okay – I like my house and the warmth it gives. But it occurred to me one day while I was lying in Savasana in my living room (yes, I was “thinking” instead of “being”…) that after all the “inner” work I’ve been doing for body, mind, and soul it makes sense that my immediate “outer” surroundings might need to change as well. While my spiritual sacred space is within my heart, my physical sacred space is just as important. A cluttered, disorganized room FEELS very different than a neat and tidy space. Dull walls bring your energy down while vibrant fresh walls enliven. Old dusty knick-knacks that used to have meaning might have outlasted their importance. While I love practicing yoga in my living room – no piles of papers, no tv, lots of bright natural light, and a corner of flowering orchids – I decided it needs a little re-vamping to reflect my re-vamped self. So I got out the paint chips and started planning. My inspiration for change is partly driven by a deeper awareness of energy around me and what I want to absorb or not absorb, and partly by a beautiful painting I bought from an artist a couple of years ago. It was like this painting was made for me…called “Morning Prayers” by Mary Hardwick.

I’m still in the planning phase, deciding what colours I will go with but there’s something about that orange that makes me feel so amazing…the same orange as the saffron robes of the holy men in India; the same orange as the marigold petals that were showered upon us that day on the ashram roof as we graduated from our program; the same orange as the tassle on my rudraksha mala that I hold every morning. While this colour brings back memories of wonderful experiences, there is also an energy in it that makes me FEEL connected. How can I not use it in some way in my sacred space?

I have a fun little book called “10-Minute Feng Shui” by Skye Alexander. She explains that the goal of Feng Shui, the Chinese art of placement, is to create harmony and balance in your work or home environment by placing objects in such a way as to allow energy or “Ch’i” to flow smoothly. Just like we practice yoga asanas and use pranayama to circulate energy or “Prana” within the body, Feng Shui is like yoga for your environment, and it works not only consciously but also subconsciously. In some cases you need to bring energy up by accentuating “yang” and in other cases, you might need to calm energy down by emphasizing “yin”. This can be done not only by re-arranging furniture but also by choosing different colours or objects (smooth, angular, large, small, etc.). It’s a very interesting idea that works so beautifully with yoga that I can’t wait to put some of these tips into use. According to this book, ten common Feng Shui “cures” include lighting, mirrors, living things, moving objects, heavy objects, sound, electrical objects (surprising to me), colours, scents, and images. I’m already using many of these things in my living room but I’m looking forward to taking a closer look at how I can create a more harmonious sacred space.

In the meantime, next time I’m in Savasana in my living room, I will simply enjoy BEING as the sun streams in the windows; while the temple in my painting stands firmly against the orange sky; while my orchids continue to bloom and we exchange energy one breath at a time.

It’s hard to believe that two weeks ago I was flip-flopping around India. It feels like it was yesterday; the memories and after-glow of the experience haven’t worn off. I remember vividly standing with my feet in the Ganges, breathing in the fresh Himalayan air, and taking in the energy of a very spiritual place. I can still feel the warm sand of the beach under my toes and sun smiling down on me.

But now I’m HERE, back in my own backyard, and ready to start this new year with enthusiasm, a renewed sense of purpose, and a brain full of new ideas for my classes. To my students – don’t worry I won’t throw everything at you at once! Just come to class with an open heart and open mind and see what unfolds…

Tonight is Jan. 1 and a new moon. Interesting that my last night in India was a full moon. According to several wisdom traditions (and my moon app…), these can be auspicious times for meditation, beginning new things (or saying goodbye to old things), fasting or detoxing, and reflection or contemplation. Personally, I think any time is good for these things but there is something about these moon phases that enhance spiritual energy. I certainly felt that energy on the roof of the ashram under the light of the full moon as I said goodbye to India. Tonight, there is no moonlight as the new moon is completely hidden in this phase, but I will take this opportunity to reflect on my movement out of the darkness and into the light of the new year with a new plan. As Michael Buble says in his song, “It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life…and I’m feeling good”.

I’m happy to be home in my backyard, filled with snow and freezing cold. I’m happy to be moving forward with a heightened awareness of everything. I’m grateful for all that is in my life, including the challenging stuff that hasn’t disappeared since I’ve been away. I knew it would still be here waiting for me to deal with it…but now I have a new plan…